back in the saddle, but it's a different animal

I've been back at work now for a month. We're all doing okay. It's just a different animal, what with the breast pumping, bottle washing, and child care pickups bookmarking and bookending my days. But just like everything else with a new baby, every day is easier—and harder—than the day before.

Easier, because you're constantly learning and improving and becoming more efficient. Harder, well, because you're raising a child and working full time and somewhere in between you have a relationship to nurture and a life to enjoy. So far, it feels that I'm doing everything, but nothing very well. Meanwhile, Meals has dealt with things like a true champ.

For both of us, it's a milestone week. She's turning 4 months on Thursday. And I turn 32 tomorrow. All of a sudden she's doing things like sucking her thumb, making growling noises at the nip, and rolling over from back to belly. She's growing! And for the first time, Mama feels older than her years. Where did all those wrinkles come from? It's bittersweet.

We had our usual Sunday night family dinner last night and it ended up being a surprise birthday party for me. Emi made her famous cupcakes and before I blew out the candles, Col snapped this photo of me and my girl. I absolutely love the expression on her face. What could be going on in that little mind of hers? I think our girl is going to be a thinker, for sure. And what was I thinking? Happy happy birthday.