multi-tasking is not conducive to the creative process. Or is it?

It's a Friday morning and I'm at home. Not at work, not traveling. Just home. And our little babe is asleep in her crib for a loooonng nap. Kitty is asleep cuddled up next to me. I can't remember the last time I had two minutes to rub together for such a quiet, unadulterated moment. And of course, the minute I realize, "I have MEEE time" I think of a million ways to fill it. So I clean the living room, delete old files off my computer, organize some photos, pay some bills and then I remember that I've been wanting to write more, so I open up my computer AGAIN.

But then I remember I had wanted to check my work email (why, oh why do I do that on my days off?). So I got distracted by that for a while. Then, only then, did I shut everything else down and turn towards my writing.

I remember that when I used to write in my journal, I would spend some time thinking about my day and what I wanted to remember from it—or learn from it. William Wordsworth described this moment as he lay on the couch as a "vacant or pensive mood" in which to be inspired. And so it was, I would seize upon a particular word or image, and then I would just let it flow. That used to be easy for me.

But back then, I was never very good at doing laundry or cleaning house.

Now, when I have one hand holding baby, another feeding the cats, another on my phone checking messages, another hand waving to Col as he gets home from work (and of course that dang work e-mail), and still another hand stirring dinner on the stove and stacking baby bottles in the dishwasher, the concept of quiet introspection seems comical.

And still, the drive to write and to be thoughtful is there.

I will never not want to write. So, maybe for now, when I start to hear whimpers from the nursery and my dang phone is dinging again and the washing machine is buzzing. For now, perhaps my writing needs to be short and sweet and inspired by the very chaos life has become. Perhaps a structured haiku poem to harness that chaos a bit? Yes, a haiku! Hang on, what are the rules for haiku again?

Hang on, let me Google it. Hang on...

Oh yes, haiku is 17 syllables, 3 lines in 5-7-5 pattern. Often about nature. Okay here's my Friday morning meeee time haiku (inspired by one of the loves of my life cozy next to me):

Cat, I love you, purr
Despite bites, blood, ER, pills
I still love you, Cat.

serving as a reminder

I always feel nostalgic when the seasons charge. Don't you? The slight shifts in light, in temperature, in style stir the inner spirit and remind us of the last time we felt this way. Might've been last year. Might've been 10 years ago.

Colin comes home today after a 3-week work trip in Canada and Asia. I'm so thrilled! Last night, I was thinking about him coming home and I was feeling nostalgic about our relationship. It's been over four years since we started dating, almost four since we starting dating for real. And a lot has changed since then. I was looking at pictures...can people really change that much in just four years? Our skin looks different, our eyes, our demeanor. In the pictures from that time, everything looks fresh and exciting and new. That may not be the case so much today. Afterall, things age with time. But I would never in a million years wish to go back. I want to be here in this moment.

I went through pictures from a couple years ago when Suki was a little kitten. We lived in our old place with the big porch and lake view. I miss that place. I miss a lot of things. But I would never in a million years wish to go back.

I want to be here in this moment.

Nostalgia is such an incredible conflict of emotions and desires. You feel comforted by the memories, but also saddened by them a little bit. Because something gained is something lost.

Our relationship is so much deeper and stronger and happier than it was. I guess that means what we've lost is a certain amount of predictability and fearlessness. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I feel conflicted.

What I do know is that we would both like to be more spontaneous. And that's a good thing! We shan't fall prey to nostalgia. Rather, let is serve as a reminder of the things we cherish.

I'm so excited the boy's coming home. Now, what shall I make for dinner??

iced slate

That's the new color in the bedroom. I did it all by myself on Sunday when Col was on his work/snowboarding trip. I love how the icy blue sits in beautiful contrast to the molding on the archway. It totally stands out now. (And, yes that's my beautiful cutting job, and no I did not use edging tape! I learned everything I know about edging from my dad.) The cats like it too I think. Yay!

Before:

After:

what's up, saturday morn

I hope Au Lait doesn't hate us forever. We had to bring the cats in for their check-ups this morning. She hates the vet. It was pretty much a disaster. She lashed out at the doctor so badly he had to go disinfect his wound and put quick-stop on it to stop the bleeding. The vet couldn't do the examination and told us not to bring her in again unless she gets sick or needs a shot. And if that happens, they'll have to put her under anesthesia to do an examination. It was that bad. But he was really nice about. "Occupational hazard," he said.

Suki was a doll. She watch the whole disaster take place without blinking an eye. And when it was her turn, she sat through the entire examination without moving or making a sound—even when they stuck the thermometer up her bum. Still, I think I'm traumatized now as much as Au Lait is and I'm glad we don't have to go back for a while.

This has to be one of the most gorgeous weekends we've had in a long time. The to-do list is long, but right now, we're just sitting around, drinking coffee, watching people walk by.

Hannah's coming this week. We're hosting a baby shower for our sis. The count-down has begun. Yay!

lost in space?

I normally would consider myself a very organized person. I make lists. I cross things off. I pay my bills on time. However, today it came to my attention that messages in my P.Post e-mail account, which I thought were being forwarded to a more active, more frequently checked e-mail account, have been sitting dormant in my inbox for the past year. Yes, that's right. 12 months. Lost in cyber space. That's the sort of oversight I'm inclined to obsess over—and feel guilty about. But instead of obsessing, I decided to write back.

There was an e-mail from Cory in Brooklyn wondering if Burlington is cool. She was considering moving here to get away from the city... I wrote back, "Yes, it's so cool here!" I think it's cool, my friends think it's cool. (Yes, even cool for the city gals.) Even Nylon magazine thinks it's cool—they did a profile on Burlington back in November and were surprised it's so much more than just cows up here. (But we do have a lot of cows, and they make the best freakin' cheese in the world—we're so lucky.)

I also had an e-mail from Kate at ModernCat.net. She read my post about how depressing cat litter boxes are and wanted to let me know that there are some great products out there, including Burlington's own Hepper Home, which features designer furniture for cats and dogs. Thanks Kate. What a life saver!

I also heard from Paula at Seven Days, who invited me to be a panelist in a discussion about creative technology careers for the upcoming Vermont 3.0 event in October. (She was smart enough to give me a phone call when I never e-mailed her back.) So cool! Well, I am ready and willing to talk about my job as Web Producer at EatingWell. I love it so much! More info on that when I know more.

After I answered some e-mails tonight, I opened the fridge and noticed that a lot of the beautiful produce I bought at the farmer's market is starting to go by. So I decided to make a delicious quiche with baby summer squash, arugula, shitakes, onion and garlic. I ran out of milk, so I had to use buttermilk and a little sour cream for the custard. I've never done that before! But it's in the oven now and I'm excited to see how it turns out. I'll letcha know!

xoxo

friday night, on my couch, and I don't care

I had kimchi for dinner again tonight. Before that I had three bowlfuls of Barbara's Shredded Spoonfuls with 2% milk.

Colin's in Hong Kong again, and I guess that's what becomes of me when I'm on my own. I eat crap. I sit on my couch and watch back to back episodes of What Not to Wear on TLC.

To be fair, I'm exhausted and just off. It was a crazy week at work. I've slept terribly the last few nights. I did attempt to walk into town when I got home, but I forgot that it's Jazz Fest and Church Street was so crowded people kept bumping into me. And it was muggy and my armpits were sweating. I kept having these horrible visions that I was going to trip on the uneven sidewalk and fall and everyone dining at Sweetwaters was going to laugh at me.

Sometimes I like people watching. But I don't like people watching me back.

Any-who, I booked it to the bookstore, bought Persepolis for bookclub (I'm very excited to read this one!) and came straight home. But not before I ran into my co-worker and breathed my cabbage kimchi breath all over her (mortifying!).

Now I'm on my couch with Au Lait curled up next to me. I think I'll take to the bed now, with my brand new issue of Bon Appetit and my feline foot warmers and a glass of wine.

goodnight.
xoxo

hannah & the birds

First of all, Hannah's here. She's sleeping right now—still on L.A. time. She got in last night. We made dinner. We saw friends. It was nice.



Second of all, our porch has turned into some kind of bird paradise and the cats are freaking out. A pair of purple finches is building their nest in our busted rattan blind. It's a budgie penthouse.




And then came the pigeon...

happy sad

I've been trying to get my head around the feeling I've had over the last couple of days. My friend Mindy put it so eloquently this way: "Sad, happy!! Sad, happy!!" Is that what they mean by bittersweet?

Spent the evening cooking up a fabulous meal, Skillet Tofu Parmegiana. So ooey and gooey and good! Uncorked a bottle of delicious Côtes du Rhône. Put Keren Ann on the stereo. And sat down to a lovely meal—for one. And it was lovely. Not lonely. Though the words are the same, but for one letter.

And I made this Cranberry Muesli for tomorrow morning. Serving for 1 please! (I cut the recipe in half.) We'll see how it comes out.

Suki is skittish tonight. I think she misses her boy. I don't give her half the amount of attention that he does...

photo of the day, au lait, au lait

sumtin' good

There's something good in every sour situation. Take, for instance, this entire day of February 4, 2008. Woke up late, got to work late, server down till 11 a.m. But since we couldn't access our e-mail or the internet or any of our files for 2 hours, that meant I got to have a super-long "brainstorming" meeting with my friend Nicci and we had a good laugh about aphrodisiacs and the Bush Administration's stimulus package (which I inadvertently referred to as "stimulation package" in a later meeting—thanks to all that libido talk, you know).

Meeting upon meeting, got out of the last meeting after 5, just in time for the server to crash again and to see a mouse scurry across Paula's boot. We bonded in commiseration. I had the shakes from too much thinking and proclaimed, "I don't think I can drive home yet!"

"Wanna come over for a glass of wine?" Paula asked. She's lucky enough to live 5 miles down the road in Charlotte.

"Yes!" I proclaimed. And I think I took Paula off guard. But we went to her place and had some nice wine, yummy gooey cheese and crackers. And by the time I got home, I felt much, much better.

There's always sumtin' good to be had when you end the day off right. That means: a new Peas Weekly posting, more cheese and crackers for dinner (and some salad and fruit for good measure!), kitties purring by your leg, computing next to Col, and having a drink—be it water, Witte or wine—in my favorite Simon Pearce goblet.

Good Monday, everyone.

finally, designer kitty!

Remember when I was whining about the lack of stylish litter boxes in the market? Well, I haven't yet found the box of my kitty cats' dreams, but I have found one company that brings us all a step closer. What's more, they're located right here in Burlington, Vermont!

Hepper Home is a pet products company that sells a line of stylish, modern furniture for cats and dogs. My favorite is a herringbone tweed nest bed, lined in fuzzy wuzzy sherpa fleece. Don't worry, I sent a request for litters and turns out they're already working on it. But for now, enjoy the fun offerings!

www.hepperhome.com

a typical monday night

It's after 11. I'm sitting next to Colin on the sofa. I'm leaning against a four-inch stack of his work papers. Countless black and white drawings of jackets and snowboardings pants. The latest up-and-coming Burton styles red-lined with corrections and alterations. "Move the pocket two inches this way. Add a seam there. Change this zipper. Make that fit tighter." This hefty stack of styles is digging into my back.

I've just finished a book that literally knocked some breath of out me—I'm still reeling. And digesting. Staring off into nothing as it were. It's pretty quiet. And then...

The cats are scratching at the litter again. "Not it," Colin says as his eyes remain glued to the screen of his laptop. The computer keys click-clicking away. My mind immediately sweeps back to the here and now. This is the third time tonight—and we've been dutifully scooping the stink bombs away as they come.

I got home from work at 7. Au Lait scratched the walls, telling me in her own way to clean out the box (she positively won't do her chores until I do). She might as well have been scratching a black board; the sound made my neck crawl. I walked to the litter and Au Lait ran over to supervise and make sure I was doing it right. The second I finished, she stepped into the litter and soiled my work.

"I made you dinner," I countered (to Colin). "And I scooped the mother load."

Col finally looked up at me defeated. He got up and walked over to the box, scooped, and returned to the couch and his work. Then more scratching.

Suki this time—she won't go till Au Lait has gone. This is the not-so-complicated pecking order of the litter box, you see. We have it all figured out. We figured it out by watching their instinctual cat patterns surreptitiously, just as careful parents discreetly watch (and react to) the fragile interactions of their young. We juggle litter box duty. Feed the felines before destruction. Act quickly to avoid any kind of disturbance. We have it all figured out, we do. Yet we're slaves to their every whim.

"This circus ritual is far from banal," I think to myself. "Yet, perhaps slightly predictable. And tedious."

It's my turn now, I suppose, to go scoop the poop.

a quiet day to myself

It's Saturday. I didn't go riding today with Col, even though I really wanted to. As he was getting ready this morning, I lay in bed with the same feeling in my stomach that I used to get on Friday nights when I would stand at my window and hear groups of people laughing as they walked by on their way to a really fun night downtown. Meanwhile I'd be in my house by myself. Alone. I guess I got that feeling in my stomach this morning, because I was jealous. I really did want to go. I've been getting so much better at snowboarding, I kinda want to keep up the momentum. But then I took a couple of minutes to think about it and I realized that the real reason I had that feeling in my tummy was because I just didn't want to be left alone here.

That's when I knew I had to stay. Col and I spent so much time together over the holidays. And when we weren't together, then we were with family, or with friends. When you get in that kind of routine of always being around people, sometimes it's hard to realize the need to be alone. Then when you actually are alone, you notice the silence ten times more. It's easy to feel sad. But I need it. So I got up early, drove to Small Dog to get my power cord and now my computer is back in action and so am I! Suki really likes to sit on my belly while I type.

Next, I think I'll walk into town, get coffee. Then later, I think I'll finally take down the tree. It's time to cross some things off my list! There always tomorrow for the mountain...

critters in the bed

We just got home yesterday evening only to discover an unfortunate scratching noise coming from our headboard. I heard the scratching earlier on, and Colin thought I was making it up. However, the noise was loud enough to wake us both up this morning around 3 a.m. I was determined that the bed was infested with worms or termites and that they were going to drill into our brains. I told Colin so and stuffed my head under his armpit for protection. The scratching ceased, we fell back into troubled sleep only to be woken yet again a half hour later.

This time Colin was convinced it was some critter behind the bed. So we pulled the whole massive furniture out far enough from the wall so the cats could pounce on whatever it was that was scratching, scratching, scratching. Secretly, I'll admit, at that point I wished the thing was a nasty cockroach or beetle rather than a mouse, since we were releasing hungry kitties on the poor unsuspecting thing.

However, that action proved fruitless, when, after twenty minutes, Au Lait was still scratching at the wall and getting quite violent with the electrical socket. But she was no closer to the intruder and was making noise ten times louder than the other one.

We decided that the noise must be coming from inside the wall. And I'm pretty sure now that it must be a mouse. And I'm okay with that. Au Lait's raucous behavior was enough to silence it for long enough so we could get a little bit more sleep. But I'm feeling a little thick right now. Wonder what'll happen tonight?

toast and typing

Today I'm thankful for working from home (once-in-a-while). And toast with butter. I'm just wrapping up loose ends before we take off for the long week-end. Col & I are going to spend a couple days with his family in Katonah, NY. Then off to the city for a night. The kitties will stay home. I'll miss them terribly I think. They know something's up; but they'll be in good hands with our neighbor's son.

I'm now completely outfitted for the snow season. Colin came home from work last night with a sweet pair of boots for me. Supreme Heat. They're totally hot—in more ways than one. And they're gonna look even hotter in my sleek houndstooth bindings. These are all things that I'm grateful for...

TTFN.

I'm grateful...

...that I didn't hit the two deer that leaped right in front of my car on the drive home from work tonight. I'm thankful for Suki kneading my belly and Au Lait warming my feet. For the birds on the feeder and the entertaining squirrels. I'm thankful for all the creatures in this world that live beside us nourishing us quietly and perfectly in their own way.

better than hot water bottles

So much for the snow. We got nothing here in Burlington last night. But for the cold.

Our apartment gets heated by those old-school radiators, and they can take forever to warm up. When I get home from work, it's like a chiller in here. And yet I just can't bring myself to turn up the heat.

This time of day, I sit on the couch still wearing my winter coat, waiting for the cats to finish their dinner so they can come sit on my belly and warm me up. It's better than a hot water bottle, I'm telling you. Warm full kitty bellies purring on top of me.

meow in the morning

This is what Au Lait does:

This clip called 'Cat Man Do' is by an English animator called Simon Tofield.

it's about time

Here I am sitting with my laptop, watching T.V., checking e-mail, reading magazines—everything, in fact, to avoid what I should be doing: writing. I never get writer's block, but for some reason the last couple weeks have been painfully void of any words to spare. I'm feeling laconic, and I'm feeling guilty about it.

The thing is, once you slip your rhythm, it's all too easy to say, "I'll get back on track tomorrow." Before you know it tomorrow becomes next week. Next week becomes next month. Next month becomes next year. And next year might as well be never.

So here I am sitting with my lap top writing whatever I can think of. Colin's still at work. He's been working a lot over the last few weeks and I can't remember the last time we had alone time together. We're supposed to hang out tonight. But he just called and has some urgent matter to take care of at work and so he wants to take me out to a late dinner to make up for it. We're going to Smokejacks. I hope we can get in this time.

And here are some other updates:

• Went to Newport this weekend. Tried the goose, but I liked my roasted vegetables and cheesy polenta better.
• Went to my dad's church and learned this proverb: "A foolish man lets out all his wrath, but a wise man keeps it back quietly." And this one, which I love: "Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."
• Went to book club last night to discuss our most recent selection, Water for Elephants. Loved it! Kind of reminded me of the HBO series, Carnivale, mixed with Waiting for God, that funny Brit-com on PBS. But it's a book, of course.
• Scooped a lot of kitty poop and tried to teach Suki how to lick her butt. Her butt really stinks.
• Finally, I just remembered that season 4 of Project Runway premiers a week from today on November 14. It's the only show I really care about and I'm panicked that I'm going to forget to watch it. Will somebody please remind me?
  

new mural outside the roxy

One more reason I love the Roxy, besides its great movie selection, is the new trend in outdoor murals (a.k.a graffitti) on its facade. Okay, the Simpsons display was kind of cheeseball and I'm not a big fan of aerosol paint. But this new mural we happened upon on Sunday (in process) is pretty cool. It adds interest to a normally bland concrete wall. It engages passersby. And it sends a message of respectful irreverence to the community. Plus it's a neat way to promote the theatre's business while supporting local artists. Cool.


In other news... Suki got spayed today. It was traumatic to say the least. I cried when we put her in the carrier and I almost started crying again when I dropped her off at the vet. But now that she's home and safe, and she's licked off enough of the vet smell so that Au Lait is willing to be in the same room with her, it's kind of funny. With the pain meds she's on—or perhaps because of a sore abdomen—she's taken to falling asleep upright. And crooked-like at that.