but what if I don't want to spend it?

Am I the only one who thinks the stimulus package is kind of surreal? I keep thinking it's all one big joke on us. I guess I'll believe it when I see it in my bank account, which—according to the IRS—will be no later than May 9.

Here's a nifty Economic Stimulus Payment Calculator that estimates how much you're going to get. Thanks for the tip, Kev!

As for me, it's $600 all the way baby! But let's not bet too excited. I'm going to do what I'm not supposed to do and keep it right where it belongs: in the bank. So long as I'm not spending it on gas, then I guess it's a good thing.

Do you know what you're going to do with the "free" money?

it's snowing right now

Yup. Snowing.

just another tuesday night

I'm sitting here on my couch waiting for Col to call for a ride. He's car-less this week thanks to another bit of bad luck. Couple months ago it was a snow plow that rammed into it smashing the entire passenger side frame. This time, it was a—BB gun? Apparently, according to the police who arrived at the scene, someone's been driving around town shooting at random cars and windows. Luck of lucks, Col's car was one of the three or so cars that were shot on South Union Street on Friday night. I always park in the driveway behind the house, because I'm paranoid, and Col always made fun of me for it. But not any more! We spent a good amount of time sweeping up broken glass on Saturday afternoon. I digress...

It's been a lovely evening. I went out to dinner with a coupla gals at work. We went to Three Tomatoes and all ordered entree salads. Mine had lots of roasted red peppers and portobellos and, not to be gross or anything, but it was kind of slimy and yuck. Next time I'll just stick with the pizza. The wine was good though. And the service.

After dinner we went to a pre-event at the 1/2 Lounge for the 2008 Clothes Exchange which benefits The Hicks Foundation. I donated a bumble-bee yellow Mexican sun dress and a tweed blazer. I had to save some of my other goods for another clothing swap I have next week. Tis the season!

Then Nicci and Michelle accompanied me to Brooks (it's Rite-Aid now, but I still call it Brooks) to buy fake tanner for a wedding I'm in this weekend. Still haven't put it on yet. Emi says I need to exfoliate first.

Anywho. Here I'm sitting with dish pan hands waiting for Col to call. La ti dah...

around the house, it's spring

Here's some more proof—not that we need it—that spring is here:

A beautiful spring sunset


Dinner al fresco on the porch (with Col!)



Apple blossoms

better to be right—or happy?

Colin's been working a lot of late—I mean late—nights these days. So much so, that this afternoon when he told me he wouldn't make it home for dinner again and he probably wouldn't be home before I went to bed, I completely lost my cool. I told him this had to stop—if not for his sanity, then at least for his health. I told him he had to figure it out once and for all. Talk to his boss. Talk to HR. Just figure it out. I mean, this isn't Wall Street, for crying out loud, this is Burlington, Vermont. After a few more terse remarks, we both decided that conversation was not appropriate for the phone—or the workplace—and hung up feeling shitty and down.

"I need a run," I thought to myself. "I need to come up with a plan so that we can figure this out once and for all." I drove home from work completely distracted. Fuming that Col was so willing to come up with reasons (excuses in my mind) why this time was so important. Why this week is so busy. Next week will be different.

During my run, I almost completely missed the beautiful sunset—and the beautiful evening—because I was so worked up on working things out. But finally towards the end of my run, I started feeling better. I knew I was right and I was going to show him. In my mind, I had come up with a punch list of all the items that were wrong with our situation and all the ways he was going to fix them.

I ran up the stairs and into our apartment loaded with ammo, but feeling a sudden knot of recognition in my stomach. "We've been here before," I thought. "If this approach didn't work then, why would it work now?"

And then I wondered: Why was I so angry? Was it because he really let me down? Or was it simply because I wasn't in control? I had to admit, I think it was the latter. After all, all I really wanted was to have dinner with him. And if that was all, then I had a very simple solution.

I picked up the phone and dialed Col's work. He answered right away.

"Hello?"

"Hey Luv," I said. "How ya doing?"

"Okay." He sounded tired.

"I'm sorry about earlier." I said.

"Me too."

"Are you hungry? Have you eaten today?"

"I'm starving. All I've had to eat all day is chips from the vending machine."

"Can I bring you dinner? I can make you a sandwich. And salad. How's that sound?"

"Would you really?? That would be so awesome."

That horrible weight, that horrible knot—it immediately melted away. And after we hung up, I whipped up the best brown bag dinner ever:

• 2 salami cheddar sandwiches on honey bread
• Romaine salad with blue cheese, tamari almonds and homemade Buttermilk Ranch Dressing
• Pretzel sticks with my homemade Boursin cheese dip (Col's favorite!)
• An entire sleeve of Girl Scout thin mints (his other favorite!)
  
• And a Corona
  

I drove to Burton and presented my peace offering to Col with great pride. He was so excited to see me and tell me what he was working on. We set up his little picnic at one of the work tables, and there—admidst papers and charts and fabric samples—we had dinner together, while the cleaning ladies vacuumed around our feet.

Yes, it was a proud moment. Relationships teach you a lot about yourself. Tonight I learned that your faults—no matter how deeply ingrained—are easily remedied if you take the time to pause and consider your options. In the same moment that I realized I'm a control-freak, I learned to tame the "control" urge and use it for good: by taking control in a fragile situation. Not by pushing, but by leading. And that is a good feeling.

Phew! Another crisis diverted!