Tuesday, June 09, 2009


I'm tired but my eyes are bugging. Do you know that feeling? I knew I shouldn't have had that last cup of coffee at work. So now I'm sitting here on my bed in the dark, thinking just a little too much. I probably need a vacation. Not some semblance of one. Not a day or two here and there. But a real, veritable, drawn out, refreshing, reinvigorating vacation. These days, I hold my breath between 9 and 6. In the car on the way home, I exhale.

Maybe my eyes are bugging for other reasons. For one, the wind that's been blowing tonight is unsettling. Just as you put down your guard, it swoops up and knocks everything on its head. On top of that, those college kids next door are setting off fireworks again. Secondly, there are a lot of moving pieces in my life to watch and listen and oversee.

(Someone called me a puppet master [or something to that effect] at work today, because I like to work behind the scenes. I feel like that a lot of the times. But sometimes I like to be recognized too—doesn't everybody?)

Thirdly, I will see my sister Hannah this week. This is the most sudden fact of all. Do you even realize how excited I am to see her? But there's also hesitation. (Why always hesitation for me?? Colin would say it's because I'm "serious.") Okay, I'll call myself a puppet master for a minute (Colin might say "control freak" sometimes). I'm okay with that. But then it's hard when you want to be in control of everything and everyone. You want everything to be okay for them. But you just can't.

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