How often do I say to myself lately, "I wish I was more like her... I wish I was the way I used to be... I wish I were better at..." The fact is, there will always be wishes like that. Regret for the passage of time. Sadness that so much has changed. That so much is changing.
You feel it too sometimes, don't you?
Inevitably, we feel it a lot with friendships and relationships too. "Why can't we love the way we used to? Why don't we eat dinner together anymore? Why are we always bickering? Why don't we talk anymore?"
What am I doing wrong? I'll tell you: what's wrong is when you wallow in it.
I've been wallowing this week and Col has been paying the price. I was wallowing so hard tonight, it was making me so tired, wound up and cranky. Finally, we dragged ourselves outside with our empty shopping bags and into the midst of a beautiful snowstorm. As we walked to City Market and started chatting, I felt the weight lift. We were spending time together and we were enjoying it. So much so, that we decided to go to Daily Planet and get a drink (it really is one of the best places to go in town on snowy nights).
We went to Daily Planet for a drink on a Wednesday night—instead of going grocery shopping—and all of a sudden we weren't asking those "Why" questions anymore. We were having a genuine deep conversation and getting to know each other again. We do love each other afterall. Why is it so easy to forget sometimes?
I really am trying to mend my ways and my attitude. I'm trying to stop feeling down on myself and start remembering why I love being me. Some days are harder than others. But on snowy days, it just feels a little easier to be glad—about everything.