Saturday, March 14, 2009

serving as a reminder

I always feel nostalgic when the seasons charge. Don't you? The slight shifts in light, in temperature, in style stir the inner spirit and remind us of the last time we felt this way. Might've been last year. Might've been 10 years ago.

Colin comes home today after a 3-week work trip in Canada and Asia. I'm so thrilled! Last night, I was thinking about him coming home and I was feeling nostalgic about our relationship. It's been over four years since we started dating, almost four since we starting dating for real. And a lot has changed since then. I was looking at pictures...can people really change that much in just four years? Our skin looks different, our eyes, our demeanor. In the pictures from that time, everything looks fresh and exciting and new. That may not be the case so much today. Afterall, things age with time. But I would never in a million years wish to go back. I want to be here in this moment.

I went through pictures from a couple years ago when Suki was a little kitten. We lived in our old place with the big porch and lake view. I miss that place. I miss a lot of things. But I would never in a million years wish to go back.

I want to be here in this moment.

Nostalgia is such an incredible conflict of emotions and desires. You feel comforted by the memories, but also saddened by them a little bit. Because something gained is something lost.

Our relationship is so much deeper and stronger and happier than it was. I guess that means what we've lost is a certain amount of predictability and fearlessness. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I feel conflicted.

What I do know is that we would both like to be more spontaneous. And that's a good thing! We shan't fall prey to nostalgia. Rather, let is serve as a reminder of the things we cherish.

I'm so excited the boy's coming home. Now, what shall I make for dinner??

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